When I was younger I found out quickly that there was something wrong with my skin
Or was there something wrong with it?
I thought that something was wrong with my skin because the world behaved as though when I was standing in the dark I’d disappear.
They seemed to think that being very black was very funny.
I could NEVER see myself in the world
NOT EVEN my mother shared my shade
So how was I so different, so abnormal that God singled me out and painted me this Black?
Why was I the only one around me this dark,
and why was I so sensitive?
As if God gave me twice the color and twice the heart
My peers looked down on my skin
As if it was a sin
They scorned me like I had leprosy
I stared at myself in the mirror and only saw Black Beauty
But It got me thinking hard when someone would call me “Black as tar” as a joke
but it wasn’t funny to me
So much pain in my skin
Because I was in mental chains being whipped by their words because they were in mental slavery
And they thought that light and white was superior
And I was abnormal to them because they couldn’t see me on their T.V
Most times they were watching the same t.v shows that I was watching and none of the actors ever looked like me
So there must have been something different about my skin
Was it a rare skin condition to be this black?
They said I was too Black for them to date me
Too dark for them to rate me
So tell me again when will I be too dark for them to
Again and again?
I was invisible when I liked a boy and wanted to be seen by him
and it was NEVER ladylike to seek attention from a man
I was invisible when I wrote love notes in class to my crush
I was a couple shades too dark to be his type
I turned on the t.v and I couldn’t see me. I looked in magazines and couldn’t see me
No one saw me unless they were drawing attention to how dark I was
And I’d hide from those people.
I was actually Black and beautiful when Colorism made me out to be abnormal and called me ugly.
I wish I was stronger then.
I tried to cope with colorism at the age of 10, I sucked my thumb and cried myself to sleep every night and my teeth became crooked.
I got scholarships to go to High School after having the highest grades in my school and then went into the class with the smartest kids
Colorism rose again with jeers and taunting and ostracizing me and my grades dropped
The hate I got for my skin affected my life drastically but I still achieved multiple awards in High School and in Primary School.
Now I realized how damaging colorism was and how hypocritical it was
Let a light skin woman wear the exact dress I’m in and she would get praised and some of the same “Black men” would dismiss me
I grew up invisible and only seen when my skin was the subject of a joke
I was made to feel inferior in classrooms that I was supposed to learn in and it affected my grades
I’d stand by the Whiteboard and they’d say I was “BLACKing” the board but a lighter girl would stand there for hours with no jokes made or anything
I have no privilege and I could not see myself in the people around me because they went out to buy skin-lightening products when I was struggling to find myself and even before that they were lighter than me.
They had joked that I’d look like a yin-yang in a wedding dress and it was racist to me even if the person who said it was “Black” but I laughed . Not wanting them to say I couldn’t take a joke and then I started thinking of all the other colors I could wear to my wedding just to avoid wearing white.
Soon I’d remember that I was just 19 at the time and wasn’t planning to get married anytime soon
Most guys were attracted to lighter-skinned women and didn’t even acknowledge my presence and ever so often these men would get bored and flirt with me as if they could possibly like me
And as soon as I attempt to talk to them they would behave as if I was a ghost.
They looked through me because I didn’t match the beauty standards of our society and ‘i was then demonized and made out to be the threat.
As a woman I was never treated like the prize yet still my light-skinned counselor had a lot to say when I, a dark skin woman decided to reach out to the boy I like first
That’s not ladylike to seek attention from a man but why don’t they just see me?
She should have known that I was invisible.
She should have known that I was a different type of woman but they continued to judge me as if I was light-skinned with long hair and light eyes.
When I came to New York for the first time I wasn’t looking for myself.
I was looking for an opportunity and I was loving everything about my skin.
I used to train with Pulse Caribbean Model Search and thought about being a model when I came here I quickly realized that there was virtually no diversity in beauty. The billboards spoke on this, as well as the number of white models to black ones. My type of beauty was not validated in our society and by just my skin tone I was already seen as unconventional beauty by the society.
I have chosen to validate myself and look within myself
I have more to offer than my beauty and there my blackness is my beauty
Because one can not exist in me without the other.
There is more to me than the way I look but still, I REFUSE to remain invisible
because I have so much to offer
I am a gift
All that is within me is valuable and the world NEEDS to see the beauty in blackness and that Black Skin is also worthy of praise and adoration
How can the World even realize that I have so much value If seeing me the WORLD becomes BlIND and hearing my cries for equality the WORLD BECOMES DEAF.
There is beauty to be seen within me RIGHT NOW!
I am fresh and new and just starting to bloom
I am a WOMAN and a different model
A different design completely
Created with DARKSKIN, carved with gentle curves, completed with short hair
I WAS MADE EQUAL